Fly On A Wall

Amnesia

A friend of mine (female) recently got into a car accident, is in a neck brace, and has amnesia. I also have asked this girl out, and told her how I feel about her. So when I first heard that she had amnesia, two thoughts crossed through my head:
A.)Oh my god, how terrible!
B.)I could tell her I’m her boyfriend and we’ve been going out forever!!!!!!!
The only trouble would have been, well, it’s kind of ethically wrong on SOME level of decency, and secondly, she would have eventually remembered everything and it all would have backfired on me. But I know there are people who take advantage of other people’s problems in order to get themselves things. I also have noticed people who are handicapped tend to be treated a little better than those who aren’t, so what’s stopping me from going out and getting a wheelchair and pretending I’m handicapped? Again, wrong on some level of decency. I have really pondered some of these things. You know for a FACT that some guy somewhere at some point in time was in my position, maybe not about her being his girlfriend, but say he impregnated a woman, and then she got amnesia, say there was….explosion on christmas day, just for the sake of argument, and she got knocked out and got amnesia. Now, men are already “known” to be not into commitment, and so there’s a pretty damn good chance that he’d use her amnesia to get out of being the father. He’d just say some other guy did it, and move on with his life.

Would YOU ever use something of someone’s to get something for yourself?

m@rk

Teenisms

When teenagers say, “There’s nothing to eat here!” what that translates to in “real world speak” is, “There’s nothing here that I WANT TO EAT” or “THAT INTERESTS ME”. We are finicky. I guess technically, I’m an adult now, being 19, but I still consider myself a teenager until I turn 20. Teenagers want what they want at that moment in time, they have an extremely hard time looking past the present. Which is why whenever a party is coming up, and you have a teenage daughter, she says she “HAS TO GO”, like it’s a matter of life and death. And even if lives DID hang in the balance, it would have to depend on who’s they were before I saved them. But she feels that if she cannot go to this party, then all hope is lost, humanity will crumble, and life as we know it will come a stand still. Not really the case. And so the same goes with what they say when they say “there’s nothing here to eat.” I call them “teenisms”. Teenisms are much like parentisms. Parentisms include such popular phrases as:
*You’ll poke an eye out with that!
*Don’t make me come in there!
*If I have to tell you ONE MORE TIME….
Teenisms are a tad different with such popular phrases as:
*There’s nothing to eat here
*I left my book in my locker!
*I love you mom and dad
Every single one of those, is a lie. But the totally weird part is that, they will deny something to the ends of the earth, even after being caught. Like, they say there’s nothing to eat, but then their dad will show them something they really like, like some chicken wings, right? And he’ll be like, “Here, what about these, you LOVE these?” And just to make it seem like the kid knows what he’s talking about, he’ll deny ever liking them, he’ll straight up deny it.
“No I don’t! I’ve ALWAYS hated those! They’re disgusting!”
Now the only question that should be asked for teens these days is, “So since your parents screwed you up, what’s the first thing you’ll do with your future? Welfare of Alcoholism?”

m@rk

Big VS Small

For some reason, little kids get more attention than older kids, and specifically when something goes wrong. For example, I was at the park a few nights ago, and this little kid ran in front of me when I was on the swings. I didn’t hit him, I stopped, but HE was the one who ran in front of me without any warning, or his mothers warning. NOW, if he HAD gotten hit, and not had serious injury, who would be to blame?

I’d say the mother.

Not the little kid, and not me. Not the little kid because he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and not me because I had no fair warning, sure, there are people who say I should have been paying attention, and yeah I should have. BUT SO SHOULD HIS F*CKING MOTHER. SHE’S the one who gave birth to him, and the one who BROUGHT him to the park! Why would I BE the one to blame?

Because I’m older.

It’s like the double standard of girls not being able to stay out later, but boys can. It’s just not fair. You always hear parents say to the older child, “You should be setting a better example!” I’m always hearing that, and thinking, “Well, no, YOU should be setting a better example, YOU’RE older than I AM. YOU’RE the parent, ACT LIKE ONE.”

One time, a little boy fell on his butt in the CD isle at Borders at the mall near my house, and I was with a friend of mine, and we just walked around him. His mother freaked out, and started yelling at us about “WHY WOULD YOU PUSH MY SON ON THE FLOOR AND THEN NOT HELP HIM UP!?” And we were innocent! THIS is what I’m talking about.

It’s getting harder and harder to decide who you’re more able to trust. The government, or your parents.

m@rk

Zombie Movies

I think all zombie movies are written by anti-social humanity hating people who think there would be nothing better than if everyone on earth just died, except them and their friends.

Almost every single zombie movie you see, it’s always a bunch of people who are friends, or have known eachother for a long time, and everybody else in the world is a zombie. It seems that the zombie gene just HAPPENS to skip everybody they know or care about, and attack everyone else. Because really, for a lot of people, there is nothing better than hanging with your friends. And a lot of people are also hateful to almost everyone they DON’T know, so therefore, my theory seems pretty damn good I’d say.

Except “NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD”. That seems to be the one exception, where it’s just a few random folks all thrown into a farmhouse, that just happens to be surrounded by zombies. For once I’d like to see a zombie movie from the ZOMBIE’S point of view, kinda like the video game “Stubbs The Zombie”. It’d show how hard it is to be a zombie, and how often you get screwed over, and in the end he’d fall in love with another zombie, and give her some person’s heart to show her how much he cares for her.

Now THAT’S romantic.

m@rk

Kitchen Killer

It's amazing that at about 4 in the morning, it is totally acceptable to ask yourself the question, "How could I kill someone with this?" Last night, I was in my kitchen with Michael, and we were looking at different items in the drawer (ice cream scoop and cheese grater, the likes) while he waited for something to cook, and we did start to ask ourselves the question of, "How could I kill someone with this?"

Because at 4 in the morning, you're tired, you're not thinking straight or clearly, and so therefore, it's pretty okay to be able to ask yourself that. Now DOING it, THAT won't fly. Don't actually kill somebody and go, "Well, I just ASSUMED it was okay 'cause I was exhausted! How dare they sleep and I don't, THAT is not fair."

'Cause THAT won't work. But it's perfectly fine to ask it. And you can probably kill someone with just about f*ckin' anything. Mine was to take someone's head, force it down on a table, hold them tongue out, and use a cheese grater on their tongue. This is the kind of sh*t I think about at 4 in the morning.

This, and why everytime you see a jew woman on TV, they have frizzy hair.

m@rk

Slur Typing

I have noticed that when you get drunk, there are certain things you (A) shouldn’t/can’t do (B) slur your words. The first thing, you shouldn’t drive. But does that apply to like, people in the middle ages? Was there some guy who got pulled over because he couldn’t stop his horse from running into an apple cart, and then it turned into a hit and run? The other thing is that slurring your words, you can do that in real life. Your vowels get all discombobulated with the rest of your speech and you start to speak like you have a speech impediment, and whoever made up that term, is an ASSHOLE, my friends. You KNOW the people who have speech impediments cannot say what they have, like, physically can’t say it.

But that leads us to the question of whether or not you can slur your words on the internet. You could probably get into a LOT more damage if you got drunk and went online than got drunk and went out walking or driving. Outside you may hit someone and put them in the hospital. Online, you could somehow find yourself arguing with some dude, who ends up being connected to Iraq, who then tells his buddies about you, and the next morning we all wake up murdered.

Did ANYBODY catch that last bit I threw in? Ha

Or you could also look up weird sh*t online that you’d never normally look up and get totally f*ckin’ arrested. THAT would blow. You could always use a defense though, like say you looked up like, necrophelia, and you got arrested for it. They’d be like, “You like necrophelia!”
Just say, “Only when I’m drunk.”
It may work, ya never know until ya try.

All I’m saying is don’t drink and download.

m@rk

Hot Topic

I was at a mall today with my buddy Nathan. We were walking around and we started to discuss how Hot Topic is the place where everything cool goes to die. I don't go there to see what's in style. I go there to see what has just gone OUT of style. Here's the way I see it. Anime, Invader Zim, and a ton of other really "cool" stuff, was cool. It just happens that all this cool stuff (I still like both btw) gets picked up by hot topic, and suddenly is deemed, "acceptable", by a bunch of kids who wear the same clothes, do their hair the same way, and listen to the same music. They call themselves non-conformists. I call them sell outs.

It also happened with Nightmare Before Christmas. If you liked that movie since it came out, give yourself a pat on the back my friend, you are cool. If you only know about it because your friend has a pair of socks with Zero on them that light up when they fart, kill yourself, kill your friend, and burn the socks. You suck.

Hot Topic does sell things that are cool that aren't part of the "non-conformists-conformists". Like wristsbands, and stuff like that. Even Hot Topic was cool at one point, before it, like the sh*t it slaps it's name all over, became too well known and popular. And there in lies the problem.

Hot Topic shouldn't be called that. Let's take it's initials and re-name it. How's....How Terrible sound?

m@rk

Auto

The longer I live, the more I find the english language PISSES me the f*ck off. An example is here. My father is reading the book "Clapton", which is the autobiography of Eric Clapton, written, BY ERIC CLAPTON. That's what an autobiography is, they write it about themselves. But if we put "auto" there to mean that, what does that make an automobile?

Does that mean an automobile is run....BY ITSELF? No, it's just a mobile, because it's run BY US. People. Same thing with automatic. Automatic weapons are weapons that would fire...BY THEMSELVES. Not US. Yet, WE are the ones pulling the triggers. But auto also means CAR. Does that mean that "autoerotic" means car porn?

Once again, try and pay attention to the language we have all agreed on people.

m@rk

Meals

I was at In-N-Out Burger for dinner tonight, and I (by the way, I don't like eating fast food often) saw that on the large order screen in drive through, they have a shake, with a burger and fries as a "meal".

That's not a meal.

A f*ckin' Maine Lobster. THAT'S a meal. A glazed turkey with stuffing inside. THAT'S a meal. NOT a burger, shake and fries. That doesn't fill you up. See, my definition of a meal is something that fills you up. Which is why chinese food can NEVER be considered a meal. It's not filling. A meal is FILLING. Let's try and all stay with the language we have agreed on people.

English was raped by the internet.

m@rk

Ping-Pong

So uh, last night I went out and bought a ping-pong table, and by "I went out and bought a ping-pong table" I really mean "My mom went out and bought a ping-pong table". She says it's because she heard a doctor on the radio say that if you play it, it makes you healthier, because it's like tennis, but you use more hand eye coordination because the ball is so tiny. I guess the same is true for Golf. Well, all doctors on the radio aren't "doctors", they're just some guy who CALLS himself a doctor. Like Dr. Phil. He can't treat cancer. He can't even treat herpes. He's just a therapist who calls himself a "dr", and I think all therapists who do that, shouldn't be called DR. In fact, they should have a whole new term. They should be called "Therps", shortened for therapists, or whatever else I can come up with without actually seeing one. Anyway, ping-pong won't keep you healthy. You move around trying to make sure a tiny little ball doesn't get past your tiny little paddle, so it won't fall off...a tiny little table. It makes you sound like some sort of sideshow act a carnival. Everything is tiny, and you're running around like an idiot! Nevertheless, I do enjoy the game, I just don't see why I can't play tennis instead, at least everything is fullsized. Maybe my masculinity is feeling threatened by playing with "tiny equipment". Maybe midgets got angry and argued that everything big should be small too! I heard that's how soap box derby racers got started.

I'm also convinced that ping-pong is a way to get kids interested in a sport. Because kids love to play with tiny stuff. Think about it, every toy that you buy comes with a warning on the package that says, "Small Hazardous parts may cause choking!", so yes, kids love small toys. Little boys love playing with GI-Joes, but once they reach 18, they want nothing to do with the army. Little girls like to play with Barbies, but as soon as they reach a certain age, they don't like to be sexually discriminated against, so it's only natural that tiny table tennis (which is an AWESOME name for it BTW, ha) would catch on among the young.

I'm still gonna play it, but those tiny balls end up in all SORTS of places! Places you'd never even be able to reach! I think there are little gnomes that steal those, socks, your car keys, and sometimes even your glasses. The misplacing gnomes of life. They steal sh*t and then hide it. Man if I could catch one of those, that'd be awesome. I could make him do all sorts of stuff. But he'd only bitch about how everything should be tiny. Like mini-fridges.

Damn the small.

m@rk