Fly On A Wall

Slur Typing

I have noticed that when you get drunk, there are certain things you (A) shouldn’t/can’t do (B) slur your words. The first thing, you shouldn’t drive. But does that apply to like, people in the middle ages? Was there some guy who got pulled over because he couldn’t stop his horse from running into an apple cart, and then it turned into a hit and run? The other thing is that slurring your words, you can do that in real life. Your vowels get all discombobulated with the rest of your speech and you start to speak like you have a speech impediment, and whoever made up that term, is an ASSHOLE, my friends. You KNOW the people who have speech impediments cannot say what they have, like, physically can’t say it.

But that leads us to the question of whether or not you can slur your words on the internet. You could probably get into a LOT more damage if you got drunk and went online than got drunk and went out walking or driving. Outside you may hit someone and put them in the hospital. Online, you could somehow find yourself arguing with some dude, who ends up being connected to Iraq, who then tells his buddies about you, and the next morning we all wake up murdered.

Did ANYBODY catch that last bit I threw in? Ha

Or you could also look up weird sh*t online that you’d never normally look up and get totally f*ckin’ arrested. THAT would blow. You could always use a defense though, like say you looked up like, necrophelia, and you got arrested for it. They’d be like, “You like necrophelia!”
Just say, “Only when I’m drunk.”
It may work, ya never know until ya try.

All I’m saying is don’t drink and download.

m@rk

Hot Topic

I was at a mall today with my buddy Nathan. We were walking around and we started to discuss how Hot Topic is the place where everything cool goes to die. I don't go there to see what's in style. I go there to see what has just gone OUT of style. Here's the way I see it. Anime, Invader Zim, and a ton of other really "cool" stuff, was cool. It just happens that all this cool stuff (I still like both btw) gets picked up by hot topic, and suddenly is deemed, "acceptable", by a bunch of kids who wear the same clothes, do their hair the same way, and listen to the same music. They call themselves non-conformists. I call them sell outs.

It also happened with Nightmare Before Christmas. If you liked that movie since it came out, give yourself a pat on the back my friend, you are cool. If you only know about it because your friend has a pair of socks with Zero on them that light up when they fart, kill yourself, kill your friend, and burn the socks. You suck.

Hot Topic does sell things that are cool that aren't part of the "non-conformists-conformists". Like wristsbands, and stuff like that. Even Hot Topic was cool at one point, before it, like the sh*t it slaps it's name all over, became too well known and popular. And there in lies the problem.

Hot Topic shouldn't be called that. Let's take it's initials and re-name it. How's....How Terrible sound?

m@rk

Auto

The longer I live, the more I find the english language PISSES me the f*ck off. An example is here. My father is reading the book "Clapton", which is the autobiography of Eric Clapton, written, BY ERIC CLAPTON. That's what an autobiography is, they write it about themselves. But if we put "auto" there to mean that, what does that make an automobile?

Does that mean an automobile is run....BY ITSELF? No, it's just a mobile, because it's run BY US. People. Same thing with automatic. Automatic weapons are weapons that would fire...BY THEMSELVES. Not US. Yet, WE are the ones pulling the triggers. But auto also means CAR. Does that mean that "autoerotic" means car porn?

Once again, try and pay attention to the language we have all agreed on people.

m@rk

Meals

I was at In-N-Out Burger for dinner tonight, and I (by the way, I don't like eating fast food often) saw that on the large order screen in drive through, they have a shake, with a burger and fries as a "meal".

That's not a meal.

A f*ckin' Maine Lobster. THAT'S a meal. A glazed turkey with stuffing inside. THAT'S a meal. NOT a burger, shake and fries. That doesn't fill you up. See, my definition of a meal is something that fills you up. Which is why chinese food can NEVER be considered a meal. It's not filling. A meal is FILLING. Let's try and all stay with the language we have agreed on people.

English was raped by the internet.

m@rk

Ping-Pong

So uh, last night I went out and bought a ping-pong table, and by "I went out and bought a ping-pong table" I really mean "My mom went out and bought a ping-pong table". She says it's because she heard a doctor on the radio say that if you play it, it makes you healthier, because it's like tennis, but you use more hand eye coordination because the ball is so tiny. I guess the same is true for Golf. Well, all doctors on the radio aren't "doctors", they're just some guy who CALLS himself a doctor. Like Dr. Phil. He can't treat cancer. He can't even treat herpes. He's just a therapist who calls himself a "dr", and I think all therapists who do that, shouldn't be called DR. In fact, they should have a whole new term. They should be called "Therps", shortened for therapists, or whatever else I can come up with without actually seeing one. Anyway, ping-pong won't keep you healthy. You move around trying to make sure a tiny little ball doesn't get past your tiny little paddle, so it won't fall off...a tiny little table. It makes you sound like some sort of sideshow act a carnival. Everything is tiny, and you're running around like an idiot! Nevertheless, I do enjoy the game, I just don't see why I can't play tennis instead, at least everything is fullsized. Maybe my masculinity is feeling threatened by playing with "tiny equipment". Maybe midgets got angry and argued that everything big should be small too! I heard that's how soap box derby racers got started.

I'm also convinced that ping-pong is a way to get kids interested in a sport. Because kids love to play with tiny stuff. Think about it, every toy that you buy comes with a warning on the package that says, "Small Hazardous parts may cause choking!", so yes, kids love small toys. Little boys love playing with GI-Joes, but once they reach 18, they want nothing to do with the army. Little girls like to play with Barbies, but as soon as they reach a certain age, they don't like to be sexually discriminated against, so it's only natural that tiny table tennis (which is an AWESOME name for it BTW, ha) would catch on among the young.

I'm still gonna play it, but those tiny balls end up in all SORTS of places! Places you'd never even be able to reach! I think there are little gnomes that steal those, socks, your car keys, and sometimes even your glasses. The misplacing gnomes of life. They steal sh*t and then hide it. Man if I could catch one of those, that'd be awesome. I could make him do all sorts of stuff. But he'd only bitch about how everything should be tiny. Like mini-fridges.

Damn the small.

m@rk

Small Children & Velocaraptors

The last couple days I've been going to the park for a few hours at a time and just sitting on the swing just to think and listen to music. It's extremely calming, if you don't mind your hips degenerating afterwards. But, when I'm there, there are always parents with kids, and I always feel no connection with children. I never did when I was a kid, and I still don't. And I probably won't even in my adult life, for two reasons:

1. Kids bug me
2. That would be considered pedophilia, and that is ILLEGAL, and not GOOD

Everytime I hear a story about something bad happening to a small child, I feel a few different feelings. I feel bad, first of all, because of the pain involved for that family now. But then I also feel nothing at all, and it's because I know that kids are gonna grow up into teenagers or adults who are ASSHOLES or BITCHES. I know this because I've LIVED with kids who were nice and had innocence and then BECAME....ASSHOLES AND BITCHES! So I have a very warped, perhaps realistic, view on children? I don't know. I just know that I have some issues about families that need to be worked out.

I also don't like Raptors. They scare the crap outta me. Seriously. Those things are deadly. Thank god they're extinct. They're cool and all but....whatever, I've trailed off. We've lost whatever meaning to this post we had a WHILE ago.

m@rk

Dumped

How come whenever you get dumped, 2 things have to happen:

1.Friends you made while in the relationship have to choose who they want to continue to be friends with
2.If you're the dumper, you're suddenly deemed an asshole/bitch

Because first off, you can't have your friends colliding with your ex. So there could really be a battle of wits here. You really wanna make the person you're trying to convince to be your friend seriously love you, you have to prove to them that it's worth their while sticking with YOU and not your ex. Shower them with gifts and more appreciation than you would your other friends.

And secondly, if you're the dumper, you're suddenly the bad guy, because everybody goes, "How could you hurt someone that loves you that much?! You jerk!" Oddly enough, I've never dumped anyone and I still get called worse names. Daily. Odd. I don't hate any of my ex's, but I am irritated at my first (Melinda). Just some relationship questions I've always wanted the answers to, that's all.

Oh, and there's a third, and this one comes in a piece of advice. Women, don't get mad at men when they lie considering you do it every time you tell us you "love" us.

m@rk

Wait 'Till Your Father Gets Home

My mother was telling me about something her mother used to say to her and her siblings when they would misbehave. If they were acting up in any way possible, she would say, "You just wait 'till your father gets home!"
That was supposed to scare them? If I was told that, I'd be like, "Why, is he bringing me a gift?"
"Yes, he's got 100 dollars for you, and you'd better just wait for him to get home!"
"Sweet!"
Like, that's supposed to scare them. Let me tell you a little something, alright. Dads are the only family members who will go to hell. No questions about it, because just about every friend I have, or ever HAVE had, their dads....F*CKED THEM UP. Their dads were brutal assholes, and quite frankly weren't shy about it. If moms really wanted to scare their kids, they should be like:
"You wait 'till your father gets home 'cause he's gonna beat you with a steel pipe!"

THAT would scare a kid.

But to just say "Wait 'till your father gets home" gives 'em the impression that maybe because they misbehaved, they're getting a pony. Besides, you beat the hell out of your son as a father, your son grows up to beat women and you just go, "Where did you LEARN that kind of behavior!?" Because anytime something bad happens with a kid, the parents HAD NOTHIN' TO DO WITH THAT. But if the kid wins a pulitzer prize, oh yeah, they want their kid to thank them for all the "encouraging beatings".

"If my father hadn't motivated me with a golf club to the skull a few times a week, I wouldn't be here right now accepting this award. Thanks dad, thanks for beating the sh*t outta me!"

My dad (step and real) lost all their privileges to know anything about what goes on in my life. What I'm getting at is dads are horrible people, and mothers need new idle threats. And why don't they use this term on other people? I've never once seen a lawyer telling the guy he's attacking, "You just wait 'till the judge gets here!"

I don't get people.

m@rk

WEbook

So I used to be a semi-self proclaimed novelist. I know, me....writing books, scary right? But it's true. I mean, I wrote a few novels and novella's, and they were never published obviously, but now I'm doing it. I'm using this website, and my obvious plug:
http://www.webook.com
I'm in the process of writing my first book for publication, and the super awesome thing is that it actually could be published from here, if I'm voted for. So my book is titled, "Hello, my name is f*cked", but on there, the title is NOT censored. I will put a link at the bottom of this post.

So why write a novel? Well, I started off writing a comic strip, then moved to comic books, then started writing my livejournal, which at that point were about article length posts. The only difference between those and blogging, well there's two actually:
1.The blog posts are shorter
2.My LJ posts were only done about once a week or so often
So now that I've moved into blogging once a day (I try and do it once a day but sometimes it's hard to keep up with, the demand, it consumes me so), I feel I can finally write a truly great short novel. And here's my basis for that. Why sit down and write as much as I can at once and get writers block, when I can do it the way I blog? See, that was the trouble with writing on LJ. They would be incredibly long in depth posts, but they would ALWAYS be so tiring and long that it's the reason why I only updated every so often (and still am BTW). With blogging however, I write a little blurb each day, and it's a lot easier I find. So every day I will be writing my book, and you can come and leave reviews and comments on the chapters that you read. So there ya have it.

Also, vote for me please.
I promise not to invade a country, unlike someone ELSE everyone voted for.

LINK:
http://www.webook.com/project/Hello-My-Name-Is-Fucked

m@rk

Reminders

That's right, you get two blog posts today, you special tyke you.

I got a reminder for my friend Colton's birthday on myspace. My "aunt" just forgot my birthday because her calendar wasn't turned to the right month, thus proving my upcoming theory. I believe that without these reminders, nobody would ever remember anything about anyone else. We've become so accustomed to being told that something is coming up, with calendars and reminders on websites or the computer that we can't function without them. Because think about it, really....how much do people REALLY like eachother? Not too f*ckin' much, we KILL one another for fun. So yeah. Not too f*ckin' much.

BUT....this doesn't change the fact that because of that fact, people wouldn't remember anything. Nobody likes anybody. Moral of America. I truly think that without these little reminders, nobody would ever remember birthdays or anniversaries or whatever. I got a phone call from one friend, and one friend on my birthday came over. That's IT. Nobody else f*ckin' remembered.

When people fart, they blame it on the dog.
When people forget your birthday, they blame it on the calendar.

m@rk