So uh, last night I went out and bought a ping-pong table, and by "I went out and bought a ping-pong table" I really mean "My mom went out and bought a ping-pong table". She says it's because she heard a doctor on the radio say that if you play it, it makes you healthier, because it's like tennis, but you use more hand eye coordination because the ball is so tiny. I guess the same is true for Golf. Well, all doctors on the radio aren't "doctors", they're just some guy who CALLS himself a doctor. Like Dr. Phil. He can't treat cancer. He can't even treat herpes. He's just a therapist who calls himself a "dr", and I think all therapists who do that, shouldn't be called DR. In fact, they should have a whole new term. They should be called "Therps", shortened for therapists, or whatever else I can come up with without actually seeing one. Anyway, ping-pong won't keep you healthy. You move around trying to make sure a tiny little ball doesn't get past your tiny little paddle, so it won't fall off...a tiny little table. It makes you sound like some sort of sideshow act a carnival. Everything is tiny, and you're running around like an idiot! Nevertheless, I do enjoy the game, I just don't see why I can't play tennis instead, at least everything is fullsized. Maybe my masculinity is feeling threatened by playing with "tiny equipment". Maybe midgets got angry and argued that everything big should be small too! I heard that's how soap box derby racers got started.
I'm also convinced that ping-pong is a way to get kids interested in a sport. Because kids love to play with tiny stuff. Think about it, every toy that you buy comes with a warning on the package that says, "Small Hazardous parts may cause choking!", so yes, kids love small toys. Little boys love playing with GI-Joes, but once they reach 18, they want nothing to do with the army. Little girls like to play with Barbies, but as soon as they reach a certain age, they don't like to be sexually discriminated against, so it's only natural that tiny table tennis (which is an AWESOME name for it BTW, ha) would catch on among the young.
I'm still gonna play it, but those tiny balls end up in all SORTS of places! Places you'd never even be able to reach! I think there are little gnomes that steal those, socks, your car keys, and sometimes even your glasses. The misplacing gnomes of life. They steal sh*t and then hide it. Man if I could catch one of those, that'd be awesome. I could make him do all sorts of stuff. But he'd only bitch about how everything should be tiny. Like mini-fridges.
Damn the small.
m@rk
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