Fly On A Wall

Personalized Ads

I have a brilliant idea. Not that they aren't ALL brilliant. Every site, especially social networking sites, have ads running across their pages. Even on your so called "profile" there are ads. I think it would be a good idea if you could have every person who signs up fill out a survey sheet about what interests them, and then take those test results and feed them to sites that carry those interests, then place ads for those sites with those interests on their profile page or websites they use.

The site would get a lot more revenue because people who see the ad would go, "Oh hey look, this site carries naked pastel paintings of that chick from 'Will & Grace'! I LOVE that show and I love pastel paintings!" Therefore clicking it and therefore bringing about more site views, more revenue and eventually more cashflow, if they decide to purchase something.

All ads should be personalized to pander to the visitors tastes. Like, I use myspace, I'm sad to admit, but I do. It's a, so called, social networking site. However, everytime I visit, the main page, and my homepage are both splattered with ads about things I don't care about or find interesting. Things like, feeding starving African children, saving the RainForest, and stopping Global Warming. I'd sure like to visit the site more if they had personalized ads that salute my interests, such as butt plugs, ugly puppies, and hot chicks.

I think personalized ads would be a fantastic idea!
Somebody should seriously suggest this to their company, and then pay me for coming up with such a great idea. 'Cause every site basically runs and gets their cash off the ad spots. That's one of the reasons that MicroSoft fought so hard to buy Yahoo, they wanted their revenue spots. They're a conglomerate of sites, and are hoping to become another Sony, a company that can branch out with their foot in different areas of media, and more ad spots means more places to put ads they think will attract people who will buy their stuff, thus making them exactly that.

Sorry, didn't mean to tech out on you.
So yeah, somebody better jump on this idea.

AUDIO FOR THIS AVAILABLE LATER TODAY!

M@RK

The Lenny Legacy

A comedian named Lenny Bruce once uh, well, did comedy.

Anyway, he got in a lot of trouble and was going to be sent to court and arrested for saying certain things that people found, unnerving and totally inappropriate. Those things, were not about illegal porn (you know the kind), they were not about, um, cocaine or drugs, they were not about AIDS, no, they were actually just WORDS. Words had such an impact back then. And I say back then, because this happened when he was alive.

Which happens to be from 1925-1966.

Yes, apparently, we have come NO further in the development of censorship. Back, then, the word "fuck" was bad. It wasn't heard often. Today, if I carried around a pencil, and a pad of paper, I'd wind up with about 30-40 fucks by the end of the day, said by stupid fucks. 

The only thing that has changed in censorship issues, is what we CAN talk about. Now, it's perfectly fine to say to someone, "what the fuck?!"

But you CAN'T say, "I wanna fuck you!"

It all depends on the context. English has a loophole, take for instance, this. 

COW CUE LATER.

Calculator. 

Or this:

CLOWN

You say it like clown, but THIS:

OWN

Is own. 

So that would make clown, "clone".

There are TONS of loopholes in english, because nobody made RULES! And if they did, rules are meant to be broken anyways! My point is what we can joke about today. Today, it's bad to make jokes, so they say, about rape and AIDS and whatever, but back then, it was just bad to even say, "what the hell?!" People back then were so not used to that kind of "foul language" that they took IMMEDIATE offense, and sued whoever they could. So what did they call sex back then? They couldn't have called it "fucking". Lovemaking? Genital Entanglement? I don't know! I DO know that all of this is STUPID. As I say again and again, either it's ALL okay, or NONE of it is, and NOW they wanna take away the INTERNET! They wanna CENSOR the internet! I remember I used to love living in America, with our freedoms we USED to have, like the freedom of SPEECH. It's all gone downhill. Besides, there's much worse things one could bed doing, than swearing, they could be KILLING. Another thing you CAN'T say to someone, "I'm gonna KILL you!"

ILLEGAL!

I guess I got carried away. 

But whatever, I don't give a fuck.

NEW OPTION, LISTEN TO THIS READ BY ME!

THE LENNY LEGACY (AUDIO VERSION)

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The Lenny Legacy (Audio) from http://flyonawall.vox.com/

M@RK

Chair Snatching

I go to CCOC every morning from 7:30 to 10:30. It's the Central County Occupational Center, and I go there for Multimedia Class. Every morning, for the past year or so, I have found that as I stroll on into the classroom, in a good mood, well, an OKAY mood because I'm going to school, and suddenly everything crashes and burns in my mood because I notice my chair has been jacked.

In the words of Austin Powers, "Who steals a chair? Honestly?!"

It's stupid as FUCK! Do you not have any decency?! So from now on, I'm going to come back in at break, and SH*T on my chair. See if anyone takes it THEN. That, or I'll basically attach it with chains to my desk. Because deficating on a chair may not be the BEST idea in the world. I have talked to my teacher about it, but does it matter? NO. I've yelled at students about it, because you know I'm gonna be there, you know I'm not gonna be sick SO WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU TAKE MY GOD DAMNED CHAIR?!

The other thing that pisses me off, is these people are SO f*cking lazy, they won't get up off their chairs to walk to their friends, they will actually roll, they will ROLL halfway across the floor. Let me explain what a chair is, this is the definition from an online dictionary:

CHAIR: –noun

1.	a seat, esp. for one person, usually having four legs for support and a rest for the back and often having rests for the arms.

2.

something that serves as a chair or supports like a chair: The two men clasped hands to make a chair for their injured companion. That is what a chair is! It is not a small vehicle to manuver between places you are and places you want or need to be. It is not....A CAR!!!!!! LEARN WHAT A F*CKING CHAIR IS FOR! M@RK

Apology

STERLING HEIGHTS, Mich. (AP) — Barack Obama apologized Wednesday to a Michigan TV reporter after he called her "sweetie" and dodged her question about autoworkers. WXYZ-TV's Peggy Agar shouted a question to the Democratic presidential candidate during his appearance at a Chrysler LLC plant in this auto-making suburb of Detroit.Agar asked Obama what is he "going to do to help American autoworkers.""Hold on one second, sweetie," Obama replied. "We'll do a press (availability), thanks." He did not reply to Agar's question. On the air later Wednesday, the station played a voice mail message Obama left for Agar. In it, Obama apologized for not getting back to her. He also told her he has a bad habit of calling people "sweetie." Obama then said: "I mean no disrespect,

so I am duly chastened on that front."

LINK:

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hIW90xfiLVKzK0XgOE96h9P8RNSgD90LR5E84

Am I the only one who honestly sees any problem with this? I mean, of all the things you can call a person, especially a media snake like a reporter, "sweetie" has gotta be the LEAST offensive thing. I mean seriously, if he had called her "bitch" or "slut" or like...."jizz bucket" sure. But this was "Sweetie". It's actually one of the KINDEST things ya can say to a person!.

I've never been like, sure exactly of what's so offensive about calling a woman a good name. It's like the orgasm theory. Prostitution is illegal, yet you get put in jail for it. Except in the Army, they give you a gold medal for spraying Napalm on people. In civilian life, you get sent to prison for giving someone an orgasm, doesn't make any sense to me at all! Of all the things you can do to a person, giving them an orgasm has gotta be the least violent thing in the world!

I've known girls who I call sweetheart and they're fine with it, but some take it personally! They tell me, "Well, you can't call me that because you're not my husband!" And I'm like, "So what, I'm your BOYFRIEND! I should be able to call you something! Besides whore."

Doesn't make sense. This illogical thinking. This American thinking. This human thinking.

People THINKING.

M@RK

Africage

My cousin is african, or half african, but there's no filter on the girl. I LOVE that. She can be downright racist and rude and it's just hilarious. But today was the ultimate. About 15 minutes ago, she was saying that a cabin she had stayed in over the weekend for a trip reminded her of an orphanage, and she had taken a few pictures of herself dancing and jumping around. She posted the pictures on her myspace, and under the picture, she re-wrote the caption to be, "We have loads of fun at the orphanage!" She then went on to say that most of the kids at orphanages are starving and ugly and my response was, "It's kinda like Africa, Africa isn't a country anymore, most of America considers it an orphanage!"

To which she replied, "It's an Africage."

M@RK

Throwing Up

I've never understood the concept of throwing up.

I mean, it makes you feel better, and it's definitely needed. What I don't understand is the idea of, "Hey, I'm gonna be sick!" and so you run into a bathroom and decide to stick your head in a bowl where you unload fecal matter. Probably isn't the HEALTHIEST place to be sticking your head.

And what if you stuck your head into the toilet bowl, threw up, and then looked into the bowl and saw a huge 2 pound turd sitting there staring right back at your face. That's what I'VE always been afraid would happen. But that's just me. To each their own I suppose.

It just doesn't make sense to me. You're ALREADY sick, so I guess logically it's not too bad a place, I mean, what else could happen? It's not like you can do that in a public restroom though, you may catch something. Go back into your doctors the next time and he's like, "Well Jim, your flu seems to have cleared up, unfortunately you have herpes."

Then you'd go home and throw up some more just from that discovery.

M@RK 

Dirty Net Slogans

I think that anything can be dirty sounding. Take for instance, the internet sites. I mean, saying something like, "I'd like to Bebo the sh*t outta HER!" doesn't sound too filthy. However, Facebook does fill the void, but how do you honestly turn that into a filthy sentence?

"Hey guys, last weekend I got a hold of Jill and I facebooked her!"

Ew.

But it's the way the human mind, mostly MALE, works. Complete pigs. Minds in the gutter. I mean, even Twitter could have a pornographic sound to it, right? Like, how akward would you really feel if you were chilling with some chick and just went, "Baby, I wanna Twitter you right here right now!" I tried this with youtube and myspace, and they just didn't work as well. That's why Bebo, FaceBook and Twitter all sound right, because they're odd sounding names. But it's not just net sites, it could be ANYTHING. I mean you could turn marshmellow peeps into a pornographic thing.

"She gave me a peepshow."

Once again, I install my earlier statement of, "EW".

Or maybe it isn't just mostly male, maybe it's ALL male. Now that you've read this, you can't forget it. I totally invaded your personal myspace.

M@RK

Vending

I was at a mall last Saturday, and my friend, Justin, was telling me that there is a way to manipulate vending machines and make them bend to your will. The key is, as he told me and I shall now pass this wisdom unto you, to press 4 buttons at the same time, or another set of numbers DIRECTLY after the first set. You have about 1.5 seconds to press another set of buttons. For example, if you wanna get say, Orange Soda, and the number set is A-6, but you'd also like to have Canada Dry, which is C-7, all you have to do is set up your fingers at the right positions. Press A-6, then within 1.5 seconds, with your set up fingers, hit C-7 and you shall receive two sodas for the price of one.

I don't like hotel vending machines though. Every time I'm at a hotel vending machine, they always have the same sh*t at 10 at night. It's always Diet Dr. Pibb, Shasta, and Canada Tonic Water. It's stuff that nobody really wants, and that's why it's still in there. There's also vending machines at schools, or at least there still is. This one makes me laugh.

They took all the vending machines out of schools because of a national health scare issue, where kids were getting too obese, or would drink a lot of soda or energy drinks and then crash during class. They also stopped selling candy for this particular reason. This makes me laugh. THIS is what the schools are worried about. Not the fact that in just about every bathroom, there's some guy receiving a blowjob.
"THE STUDENTS ARE SEXUALLY ACTIVE, AND YES STDS ARE DANGEROUS! BUT WHO HAS TIME TO WORRY ABOUT HIV, WE'VE GOT A FAT ISSUE TO DEAL WITH!"
You wanna keep the kids from having sex? KEEP the vending machines. I'm not sure if fat people can have sex. Can they? Or do they just roll and wobble around the bed for a few minutes until one of them gets tired, one of them gets hungry, and they both decide to eat a possum on a stick and watch Larry King.

You can worry about the kids being a little chunky, or you can worry about kids coming onto campus with guns.

I'm just sayin'.

M@RK

High Tech High

So, there's apparently a school in LA called "High Tech High", it's a technical school where all the students are, supposedly, brilliant and superior. All they do is work on the computer, and they are all NERDS. We're talkin' Grade A Class NERDS. Plus, the inside of the school looks like the inside of the freaking Tech Museum. So, I guess a few years back, a few students, being all superior with computers, hacked into the schools network, and CHANGED their grades. The school suspended them. Then, a couple years later, EVERY student in the school did this. They couldn't suspend them all, so instead, what they did was refuse to allow them to work on the computer.

At a computer school.

How's THAT work? Here's an even better one. A single student a few years back ALSO hacked into the network, but apparently he already had perfect grades, so instead, he LOWERED his grades!
"I wanna FAIL mom! I achieve WAAAAY too much, and my self-esteem and ego are through the roof!"
Now, he's helping the school secure their website so this problem can't get any worse. This kid is on the inside now!

My question is what would happen if you got caught smoking pot on high tech high? How does THAT conversation go?
"Young man, I just spoke to your principal, he said he caught you and your buds smokin' pot on campus!"
"But mom, everybody does it!"
"I don't care! I don't want you getting high at high tech high!"

There's a tongue twister for you.

Thanks to Becca for finding these articles for me.

M@RK

Previously On...

I love the dramedy's that are on TV now. 'Desperate Housewives' to 'Ugly Betty'. Except if you miss 1 episode of these, you're cut completely out of the entire season since they're so damn serialized. The other thing that bugs me is the fact that most of these new hour shows filmed on clean film, like movies, also tend to generally have a "previously on" portion at the beginning of each episode. I've noticed a LOT of shows have this, especially with two-three parters.

The humerous part to me is you NEED them. Or, at least, the network head seem to THINK you do. It's like, were you not paying attention at ALL last week to remember what the hell happened that we gotta show you some major key points before we start the new one? These networks assume that all of their fans are obviously retarded. By the way, I use the word retarded because there's nothing offensive about it, it's the context of how you use it.

I think it'd be great to do an entire movie, not TV show, but a whole damn movie where you filmed 15 mentally handicapped people in a room for 2 days straight. The audio commentary would be a bunch of random 1 liners that make no sense and what would be even worse would be if the DVD came out, "COLLECTORS SPECIAL EDITION!" That would need a previously if it were a TV show. Because who can remember what special person ate the cat last episode? Nobody, that's right, they'd need a previously on.

In fact, I intend to start doing 'previously ons' on this blog, the first half of each new blog entry would be taken up by the 'previously on' and then you'd get the blog post for the next half. And if you miss one blog post, then you're outta the loop. 'Cept they're archived so you could go back and read them.

Damn you future.

M@RK