Fly On A Wall

Lemmings

Lemmings have gotta be the most depressed creatures in the entire universe. I know what you're thinking, "My dad gets drunk, comes home and beats me, how can you say that?!" No, you are NOT depressed, you are just screwed, and then there's THIS one, "I cut myself because my girlfriend broke up with me!" You're not depressed either. You're just f*cking stupid.

Lemmings, for those of you who don't know, are these little, almost hamster like animals that when their population becomes too great in numbers, all go to a cliff, and commit mass suicide. Fun stuff. But they really have gotta be the most depressed, like, it's a cult. It's a serious cult. Yeah, no really, it is, they're like those people who followed the commet. It's a CULT.

A cult made of fuzzy cute little bastards.

That's the most dangerous kinda cult there is, because no matter how hard you try, you can't stop yourself from hugging and squeezing them and then not wanting to let them down, you join their cult. It's just funny to me, and how many different ways are there for a Lemming to commit suicide? They can't hang themselves or shoot themselves in the face, they don't have the hands to do that, they have the brain, because anything that wants to commit suicide has at least a human brain. Humans are the only creatures in this world that wants to take their own and OTHER people's lives. We're gotta be the most interesting buncha folk around here. But Lemmings have to find their own personal ways to do it. Natural ways. Jump off cliffs, or jump off cliffs that are over an ocean, jump in front of trains, they can't drink cool aid, but uh....they could just hang out in the bad part of town, mess around with the dope pushers.

THAT'LL get ya killed.

So Lemmings are really in a bad situation. Because you know the way this society is going, what with "fat" people needing "help to lose weight" (because there's something SO AWEFUL about obesity) that eventually, Dr. Phil will catch on, and start to say, "Next up on this show, we have a real problem, with a little creature who wants to take his life, we have to get him help, please welcome, LemmiWinks!" And then the lemming will come out, flipping everybody off and being like, "F*ck you all, I don't need no help! I can do what I want, it's my life!"

So that's Lemmings for ya, I also wrote a song about it which will be up on the Lynching Sputnic myspace page.

MW

Best Criminal Ever

I used to think that there were only 2 things in the world to be scared of. An old drunk asian guy on a cell phone driving a toyota pick up truck, and marriage. Now I've added a 3rd thing to the list. Well, 4th if you count government. So number 4 on the "YOU SHOULD BE F*CKING SCARED OF THIS SH*T" list is the best criminal ever.

The best home invader ever. He's gotta be a castrated man.

Now for those of you little chittlin's who don't know what castration is, here's my definition.

CASTRATION: A circumcision gone horribly horribly wrong, not only do they snip your penis, BUT THEY ALSO CUT OFF YER NADS! And they DO! They cut off your nuts, that's what a castration is!

So really a castrated man is the worst guy in the world to invader your home, no, think, yeah really, think about it, alright. 'Cause if some guy invaders your house and holds you at knife/gunpoint, you have 3 options.

OPTION #1
You can take any normal household object and turn it into a weapon

OPTION #2
Self defense by fighting physically WITHOUT a weapon

OPTION #3
Kick 'em in the nuts

But if you don't KNOW self defense and you HAVE nothing you can turn quickly into a weapon, then you're only left with option #3, kicking the guy in the nuts, but wait, here's the problem, HE WOULDN'T HAVE ANY IF HE'S CASTRATED! Do you see the dillema now?! Jerry Seinfeld would be the perfect criminal, distract you with his humor, and steal stuff from you at the same time, then when you get mad, you could kick him in the nuts, BUT WAIT, he's castrated, so you couldn't!

So you see, fear these things.

I'm also afraid of couples who look alike.

Come on.

That's just creepy man.

MW

The Library & It's Book

I went to the library yesterday, and it wasn't the one I usually go to, because that one is being remodeled. I hear they are putting in a cyber cafe as one of the new add ons. When I heard this, I thought it'd be pretty cool.

Then I went to the other library.

The library is supposed to be a place where you can have some peace and queit, but apparently it's become the new teenage jackass hangout, because the cyber cafe there was filled with screaming teen girls who were running away from teen boys chasing them for no reason at all.

If this is what having a cyber cafe means, I will have to kill myself.

My sense of sanity is not worth giving to these retards. Anyway, one of the books I got from the library is called "Pornified:How pornography is transforming our lives, relationships & families." It's pretty interesting, but it's also obvious that a guy would read that book. Guys just watch porn more than girls do, except my gf likes porn which kicks ass. I could watch porn with her.

THAT'S hot.


I think the most interesting thing is how they used to say, in like 2000-2003 that kids were growing up way too fast, but now, since 2004-2008, they may be growing up and maturing PHYSICALLY, but they're MENTALLY at the age of 4th grades, that's not how 16-18 year olds are supposed to act or behave, they should be like young adults, sit QUIETLY, AND READ A F*CKING BOOK!!!!!

Sometimes I just wanna be 4 again, then maybe I could communicate with these people.

MW

B+ In Multimedia & A+++ In Life

Right now, I found out that my multimedia grade for my class is a B+! Huzzah me! Now, back to ruining that too.

Um, what with all the happyness and pride I've had lately, what with having my gf, getting this grade, all that stuff, I have decided to grade my life too. Now, from grade 1 (since I never went to preschool or kindergarden) till 6th grade, I had porbbaly a C+/B-. During my middle school years, 7th & 8th gradem I had a D-.
High school, grades 9-12 will be graded individually, since I'm still TECHNICALLY in high school:
9th Grade:C-
10th Grade:C+
11th Grade:B-
12th Grade:A+++

Now, 12th started off really bad, like every other year, I was chasing the girl I liked at the time for 6th months, what a wasted 6 friggin' months, and Aaron moved, so it was BELOW an F- if that's possible, BUT, things got better recently when a girl I know from online wanted to be my girlfriend, but, and nothing personal on her, I had just GOTTEN myself a girl, the best one anybody could ever hope for, Rebecca. The hilarious part is it didn't stop there! We talked about our life after high school, considering I have to move down to LA to work in television, we decided to get an apartment together, and then we discussed marriage and were both totally open to the idea but only if it was with EACHOTHER. AND neither of us wants kids.

I just found out last night however, that when her mom gets BEYOND super pissed off, she smacks Rebecca. This broke my heart, I will NEVER let anybody touch her that way, and I wanna come kick her moms ass! She deserves to be treated like a princess, not a slab of meat! So Becca's life is, if anything right now, a B- or C+.

QUESTION:
Can you grade your own life from when you were born to recent time?
BONUS PARTY QUESTION:
Can I have 20 dollars?

MW

Everybody My Age Is An Idiot

I just came to a sudden realization:

EVERYBODY MY AGE IS EITHER AN IDIOT OR AN ASSHOLE.

As we're doing flash animation in my Multimedia Class, I figured I'd be nice (Something I RARELY do) and bring in a flash animated show called "Home Movies" because I figured they'd be happy to see what you can do with it.

Guess what.

I'm not doing anything nice for anybodyn anymore.

It's just not plausible, how can everybody my age be such a f*cking jackass?! My ENTIRE DAY is now SHOT! I am going to be in a terrible f*cking mood the rest of the damn day! Thanks ya f*ckin' holes!

Ugh....thank god I have the smart people around me, because if I didn't, I think I'd kill myself.
Aaron, Colton, Conner, Enaya, Isiah, Becca, whoever else, just thank god man, thank god I have these few and very selective group of smart people.

The saddest thing is that's it.

Those are the only other smart teens.

Maybe I'll kill myself anyway.

Has to be somewhat better than this hell I'm living.

MW

Condoms

When you're a parent, there's 3 things you worry about.

1. Your kid drinking
2. Your kid doing drugs
3. Your kid having sex

If you're a parent with a teenage girl, things are so much harder. Now, thankfully, my girlfriend is completely non-girly at all. By this, I mean she she curses like a sailor, she dresses like a dude, she doesn't wear makeup, she farts and burps, and she talks openly about masturbation. I'm basically dating a REALLY HOT dude. But she's GREAT, so being a girl for somebody like my girlfriend, is a little bit easier. I mean she still has to deal with periods and the regular girl stuff, but just not as much.

Now, as for a guy, if you have a teenage boy, all you have to worry about is him raping that teenage girl and doing terrible unforgivable things, such as the "regular" teenage "fun".

The humerous part to me is the condom section of the teen life. I mean, drinking and drugs can get out of hand and actually hurt people, so they're not as funny, but sex is ALWAYS up for being pounded on. No pun intended. If you're a parent and you find condoms, there are about 3 things you will hear:
1. "Oh, somebody gave them to me as a joke"
2. "Our sex ed teacher gave them out to us for a project"
3. "I'm just holding them for somebody"
Now, granted, granted, these all could be totally true, but they're not. Teens lie. NEVER BELIEVE A TEENAGER.
EVER.
Now, as for my OWN personal experiance, I've never seen a condom unless it's been in a porn movie (lame) or on the ground somewhere (gross). But recently, I have been talking with....people....and I've decided I need some, for 1 reason only.
My girlfriend may come down here to visit soon.
We wanted to be prepared and be safe about it.
For god's sakes, we're going to get an apartment together sometime.

So yes, condoms are an interesting topic.

Actually no it isn'tm I'm lying.

See, I'm a teen.

MW

Having Balls

There's certain times in life when you can definitly say the ABSOLUTELY wrong thing to say at the very exact moment. Sometimes it's just being plain out stupid, but sometimes it's called the "Having Balls" theory.

The "Having Balls" theory is based upon the idea that you can say something at the worst moment in time, and have it be funny or a great story to tell later on, given, ya know, you survive that moment, some examples are listed below:

EXAMPLES:
Your wife walks in on you and another women having sex in the bedroom, she's shocked and crying and you just say, "Come on honey, join in!"

That's an example of the "Having Balls" theory. A great theory actually, because some of the sh*t that people end up saying is HYSTERICAL. Last night my mom went to sleep on the couch because her bed is extremely uncomfortable, and I went to talk to my dad to see what was wrong with the bed, and he was watching Terminator 3 on tv. I told him I felt bad for mom, and dad just said:
"Don't worry about her, she'll be back."

That's a perfect example of the "Having Balls" theory RIGHT THERE in action. It's so great because what he said was also in context with the movie.

Do you have any "Having Balls" stories of your own?
BONUS QUESTION:
Do you WANT to share them and still be able to be hired?

MW

Flash Animation Is Not Pornographic

I have to admit, when it comes to animating, I know as mchu about that, as I know about correctly spelling the world "much."

Flash is a program that we are using in the multimedia class I am currently writing this from. Flash is a hard program to master, but I shall master it, because I can master anything!
I can master cooking.
I can master writing.
And I can masturbate.

Okay, well I mispelled the word "much", so obviously I havn't mastered it JUST YET. I also can't cook.
Butn I CAN for a fact, masturbate.

So what's this all about? Nothing really, but when the flash thingie is done, I shall upload it to youtube, and then to her, so you all can bask in my flashy goodness.

Flashy Goodness.
That'd be a good band name.
So would Viral Control.

Alright, anyway, peace out yall, I'm outie.

MW

Vanilla Ice Cream

Alright, back at multimedia, ah....now my entries will be funny again and now sound like they were written by an emo 12 year old.

So what is there to report? My gf is coming home from hawaii tomorrow, that'll be nice to be able to talk to her again. My gf, BTW (meaning:by the way), is mocha colored skin, she's a light skinned black girl, which is fine. But what I've noticed lately is that black girls like me more than any other girls. Look, I've never known too many girls in general to start with. So of racewise, I have never known too many asian chicks (wish I did, 'cause they are amazingly sexy) and I knew a few white girls (the ones who are pretty dang stupid) but I've known probably more white girls than anything. I'd like to meet an irish girl. That'd be cool.

But the funny thing is how many black girls seem to take to me. They flock to me like I was a peice of chicken. I'm sorry. It had to be said, and I know it was a racist stereotype, but it was a great joke. Um, but they do, and the funniest thing is now my gf is a black girl, or, if you want me to be "PC", african american, or if you want me to be black, she's a sista'. I have another friend I talk to alot who's also african american and she's one of my closest and best friends, and guess what, she's black too! Awesome! Seriously. I'm not even joking, just recently I've begun to embrace their culture and I must admit, I'm LOVIN' IT! Like mcdonalds. God that's like the 2nd Mccy D's referance in two blog posts, weird. Well anyway, that's the cool thing going on in my life.

As for black GUYS, well I'm not gay, so I really couldn't tell ya if they like me. Although I've had some guy friends who were black/are black as well.

Now if only the human race would accept me as one of their own, I'd be well on my way.

MW

Amish Techies

Yeah, it's an oxymoron, I know. Kinda like jumbo shrimp, military intelligiance, mcdonalds food. Whatever.

Anyway, we were amish for a while because our power went out and we didn't have any lights or anything to watch, like tv, so I read by candle, it was weird.

We also had my grandfather with us, so things were even WORSE because he has to be warm or he'll catch pneumonia and that in turn could kill him, so we were basically screwed. We went and searched for a hotel, at 7 at night, and finally we got one.

Then I headed on over to my aunts because they had/have power. Look, the rain was SO bad it was like this, I was watching the news and I saw an image of an SUV surrounded by water in a parking lot where they were using a canoe.

A CANOE!
IN A PARKING LOT!

Bizzare.

So this weekend's been kinda weird. I just hope Hawaii doesn't have the same issues because if they do, it's an island and there's less places to go. So my gf might be in trouble. I'll have to call her to see how she's doing.

In other news, school starts up again this monday.
Maybe I should have drowned in this rain storm.

MW