No Butt Joe

I have a problem with self-identification. Yes. I identify with myself too much.

I've often thought about what it would be like to be a women. Research (my own, so don't go looking for it. My research actually consists of standing at bus stops and waiting to pick up hints and tips while eavesdropping) has shown me that most men are infatuated with breasts because they do not have them. Well okay, that makes sense, but what about this theory that alot of guys are into butts. There's two kinds of men out there.
Breast man.
Ass man (NOT Kramer)
So what about the theory that some guys are into asses? I can understand the idea behind the theory of guys loving tits because they don't have any, but what about these guys who are into asses? Am I really supposed to believe that these guys do NOT have a poop chute? Come on! Is there someplace that has a couple guys sitting on a park bench watching women.
"Oh yeah, look at the ass on that!"
"Yeah! Wish we had one of those."
It doesn't work that way! So I've often thought about being a women, but then I wouldn't be a man and I wouldn't be in love with breasts (unless I was a lesbian, which I totally would be) and so what would I be infatuated with? Well, if guys are into women's chests, women must be into a guys package clearly, so after I've thought about this I always feel gay.

I've stopped fantasizing about women, and being one, and anything that has to do with women. Clearly not a good thing to spend all your time thinking about. It's the same idea that alot of kids fantasize about growing up, because then they can stay up late and watch whatever they want. It's all relative, it all connects. So, has anybody else ever thought about being a women? Or is it just in MY sick head?

Also, I've discovered that I have dreams about being a women, like, actual dreams when I fall asleep. Creepy. It's also in those dreams that I'm WITH a dude. Gah. And then as if I couldn't feel any gayer in my life, I wake up every morning with a tree in my lap.

So that's my self-identity crises. You know it's about breasts because it has the word "tity" in it.

MW